Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
