pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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