I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
where am i from again
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
