Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
