i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
