No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
