I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
