First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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