no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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