Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
