I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
