I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
