Your dad touched me again.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
