I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
