I think I just saw someone hide a body.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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