I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
