careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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