she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
