And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
