I must be too annoying 4 u.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
