that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
