I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
