All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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