i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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