Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
