i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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