my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
