I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Randomize
