I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
