she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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