He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
