Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
