He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
