A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My feet surprised me
Randomize
