it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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