You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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