ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
