I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
