HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
