I wish I could teleport
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
