Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
