so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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