I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
