i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
