So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
