you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
