I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
