Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Randomize
