We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
