Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
