Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
