I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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